3 Orange Dots & An Official Admission
acrylic and graphite on panel
21 x 7.5 inches
DETAIL after the jump!
I’ve never shown you that one, have I? Nope. Then it’s new! Well, new to you anyway, old to me. It’s long-gone now. Has a new home. Sold!
So what else is new, really new–not just pretend new? Um well, I’m finally admitting (though it’s been painfully obvious to anyone who’s been paying the least bit of attention) I’m stuck, blocked, creatively constipated and fighting off a really intense fear that I will never really make art again… never make art that feels solid and personally significant and OK. Yeah, I’m sure it’s just a phase and what I really need to do is take a break, knock off the mental self-flagellation and just look around, breathe easily and wind myself back up to a point where art making is less intimidating to my brittle psyche.
And that’s pretty much what I am (and have been) doing. For the next however long it takes, I’m going to continue to fill my days with yoga, breathing, bike rides, hiking, sidewalk doodles, children, apple-picking, organic veggies, searching through bins at the hardware store, baking, photographing reference-ish material and the like. I’ll also continue to step into the studio for a little painting during the day, but at this point, the pressure is Officially Off.
Maybe sometime soon I’ll post some of the photos I’ve been taking. As photos, they’re not particularly great. They’re images of surfaces, shapes and objects that interest me, and I’m stockpiling them to fill my subconscious because I need to have my subconscious completely brimming with aesthetically interesting stuff. I used to be quite a pack-rat, might have been on my way to being one of those freakish accumulators who goes missing and is eventually found, tragically crushed under a pile of their own crap collection. I’ve toned it down alot though and now, instead of physical crap, I accumulate stuff in my head. It’s a more practical approach, saves space–sorta like the switch from analog to digital, I guess.
Right well, anyhow, I’m curious about what the rest of you do when you’re feeling stuck. Do you allow yourself a break? Or do you force yourself to continue working and just push through it? Zen or brute force–which works for you? I’d love to hear any of your thoughts.
Oh, and here’s the detail shot:
Peace,
-Steph
October 3, 2009 at 9:17 am
i grunt really hard and WHOOOSH!!! no really i usually stop and do something else for a while, just like yr doing. usually ve moved on to something else before i get stuck though, so i’m not making myself do it, i’m just doooin it, yo!
October 9, 2009 at 1:16 pm
i tried the grunting and whooshing to no avail, but thank you just the same for that suggestion, YOU FREAK! kidding. sort of. really for real thanks, Mark.
October 8, 2009 at 5:33 am
I bake. No, seriously – I give up on producing anything with my artificial deadlines (no one really cares about my output, anyway) and go make ginger cake, or chocolate chip cookies, and eat intense amounts of them in front of late ’70s BBC reruns.
Actually, this may not be the best plan – outside of a few quilts, I haven’t made anything of wider artistic appeal in years.
October 9, 2009 at 1:14 pm
well quilts are ALright in my book, tarabu! my sister makes beautiful quilts, too.
baking is a great suggestion! i used to bake way more than i do now. one of the biggest reasons i don’t do it so much now is that wheat and dairy make me sick now and i seem to have gotten alot more sensitive to sugar so i can’t actually eat the stuff i make anymore. but i do bake every now and then for other people. in fact, i just made cupcakes for the first time ever the other week, brought some over to the hardwarestore/bikeshop and gave the rest to some of the neighborhood kids. it was fun and people are always so appreciative. so yeah, it’s a good way to help keep my head in a positive space.
thanks for your thoughts. and don’t undervalue the stuff you make!
October 10, 2009 at 4:07 am
[...] much has changed since my confession last week when I admitted to being stuck in a non-productive mode. I should add here that I’m [...]
October 11, 2009 at 10:54 am
you steph i hear ya loud and clear. it’s a little dance sometimes, sometimes its good to push and just make something, sometimes it’s ok to take a little rest.
one of the things i always related to with you about was the need for a personal connection to what you make, and over time i realized that what i was actually making was less important that the intention and emotion behind it. what if you aren’t feeling that with the art right now i think doing what you are doing, yoga, breathing, eating, cooking, riding bikes, all of it, is about reconnecting and re-centering yourself, which will eventually translate back into fine art. i specify “fine art” because to me all those things you talked about doing, that’s all art too.
truth is, i’m in the same spot you are in. the last couple of years have been dramatic and exhausting and i’m at a point where i don’t feel connected to art, it all feels like work. so i am doing the same things you are, eating good food, getting exercise, cleaning my house, tending to my garden. for me, it helps.
i think it’s kind of funny how self imposed work ethics rear their ugly head, like if we aren’t constantly producing awesome (or even mediocre) art then we somehow lose our artist membership card. it’s nonsense. i think being an artist is not just about what you make, it’s about how you approach and interact with your world, and from what i know of you you will never be in any danger of losing that.